The Powerful Tool Between Your Lips

What words are you telling yourself and your partner today? Could they be wielded in a more powerful and direct way to help forge the life you are most excited to live?

Words have the power to both open and close doors of possibility. They are a potent and influential part of how we understand and participate with our world, moment by moment.

As a couples’ therapist, I can assure you that “I will try to be kind” lands in your partner’s ears quite differently than “I commit to being kind.”

And if you are going for a lifetime of mutual love and intimacy, which do you think is more likely to get you there?

“Stop doing that, it’s making me nervous.”

Or:

“Hey, my love, I long to feel your deep presence and stillness with me as you touch me right now. Your touch can be so grounding and stabilizing for me.”

One focuses on what we do not want, closing the door. The other reveals what we long for, opening the door.

“I’m too stressed with work to go on a date this week” carries a very different energetic communication than:

“I am so looking forward to taking you out on a date. What are you doing next Monday evening?”

Our words wield power. They can guide us toward our dreams or condemn us to living inside our nightmares.

Try this one:

“I am miserable. All I think about is wanting out of this marriage.”

Versus:

“I am listening deeply for new ways of being with my partner that feel more fulfilling to me.”

Which opens possibility? Which closes it? Which one asks us to look for what we do not yet know and to open ourselves to unknown territories?

This becomes a very fun and empowering practice once you get the hang of it.

“What kind of attitude do I need to hold today so that I can show up available for love with my partner?” is a powerful way to use our words and minds to open new awarenesses and possibilities for love.

The words we tell ourselves are powerful, too. They create the narrative of who we are and what is possible for us. And, as always, where attention goes, energy follows.

When we can clearly articulate our heart’s deepest desires and begin to orient ourselves toward that articulation—perhaps even pairing it with a powerful symbol or image—we begin to channel our life-force energy intentionally and consciously.

Conversely, when we spend our mental energy going over and over what we do not like, do not want, and what the problem is, we continue pouring our life-force energy toward precisely the life we do not want.

Even in very challenging moments, when all we can see and feel is darkness, we can turn toward our heart’s desire like a lighthouse in a storm. We can keep our attention on that lighthouse until it becomes closer and brighter and, eventually, we discover that we have arrived.

Words can anchor us to that light.

Kindness. Self-love. Patience. Self-compassion. Tenderness toward myself. Welcoming all of me in this moment. I am loved and supported, even now.

These words may deepen the breath and create more space within us to be present with our experience.

Life is so precious.

We are powerful co-creators of our reality.

What words can you offer yourself and your partner today that can lead you into your best life?