Less is More

In these three years of devoted study to sacred sexuality, my deepest learning has been this: less is more; presence is everything. How I would love to find a way to share this simple truth with you.

All of my life I have been fortunate enough to be with really good, kind, generous partners. Each one has, without an ounce of laziness, generously committed themselves to my pleasure. What I could understand to ask for, they would provide. And if I didn’t ask, they gave their best efforts toward my pleasure and happiness.

And yet, without exception, what they did not understand was this fundamental principle: less is more, and presence is everything. I can see now—this is the game changer.

You cannot possibly imagine until you yourself have gifted yourself a try at this first hand. What an incredibly arousing and heart-opening event it is to simply place your hand on your partner’s genitals and breathe with her, letting her feel the channel of presence in your hand (which, by the way, connects to your heart), being fully present with her in your breath, hand, and heart. Which means dropping every ounce of agenda, not trying to make anything happen, not attempting to take any action upon her except to feel your own breath, your own heart and your own presence of breath and heart at your hand. This is it.

Like a flower to the sunlight, her pussy will flower open beneath your hand as she feels your depth of presence and listening. And before she flowers, likely silent wetness in her eyes and deepening of her breath and expanding of her heart. And if she has never felt this kind of slowing down and being present with her, perhaps a lifetime of grief of never having received such attention without agenda will release in tears of bewilderment and gratitude. And you have done nothing except place the palm of your hand upon the outside of her pussy.

You must try this yourself in order to believe its power to reconfigure universes.

And again, you haven’t “done” anything. You haven’t attempted to give her pleasure, to perform an action upon her, to massage her into arousal. You have simply placed your hand upon her and breathed with her and been present with her. And in this presence and attunement she finds herself flowering and opening and becoming wet and aroused and opened to herself in your presence. You have only been the bright sun, shining your presence upon her, illuminating her to herself.

And then, to enter her. Rather than simply taking an action of entering, to do the same process of breathing with, attuning, and waiting for her to pull you in with the power of her longing. Your action being a response to her pull.

How many well-meaning lovers enthusiastically start taking actions on her pussy with lips and tongue, fingers and cock, well-meaingly meant to arouse and stimulate and bring her to climax? What they do not realize is that she is already a blazing cauldron of fire, energy and desire, and your breath, presence, and attunement with her supports her (and you) to feel this. When you pause your fingers and allow your skin and flesh to feel this cauldron of energy within her and wait to be magnetized and drawn into the most delicious places within her, which she through her hunger draws you to, you get to feel the powerful energy within her, potentiate her own pleasure, and surf these molten waves of her. This is the difference between experiencing your separation, and experiencing your union.

It’s not what you have been taught, or what you have thought. There is positively no action you are required to initiate, despite what you have been told (perhaps even by her). Let her desire initiate your action. Remind her she is perfect, and she too need do nothing, only to be, deeply in the vortex of her own cells. Then marvel at the powerful pull of her magnetic force as she awakens in herself.

Please, try this. Unite with her with your deep presence and attunement, and let yourself surf these wild and powerful energies together, and tell me if this does not open up new frontiers of possibility between you.

(Of course, the “he” and “she” here are only whosoever is occupying the space of the masculine and feminine in a moment.)